Animal Sorrow

2x Poem

2012-01-24T18:48:00.002-05:00

'the pyramid press' published 2x poem by me titled 'RAYMOND CARER'S "WHAT WE TALK ABOUT WHEN WE TALK ABOUT LOVE" (THE STORY) OR DENNIS COOPER'S "UGLY MAN" (THE BOOK)' and 'OUT IS THE ONLY KIND OF NODDING I DO'

On 'Helping Daniel Cooper Become A Muumuu Minimalist'

2012-01-23T16:23:00.004-05:00

'the nervous breakdown' published a piece by me titled 'on "helping daniel cooper become a muumuu minimalist"'

Megan Boyle Video Interview

2012-01-09T20:12:00.009-05:00

i conducted a video interview with megan boyle on 11/22/11 in and outside her apartment re her debut poetry book selected unpublished blog posts of a mexican panda express employee (muumuu house, 2011)

when i was thinking about what questions to ask megan for the interview, i decided to 'simply' ask her questions about things i was interested in hearing about. not 'only' in terms of her as a writer, but in terms of her as her, because that'd ideally be what i'd want to read/see in an interview - answers to questions i feel interested in hearing the answer to

we decided to do a video interview because we thought it'd be fun to do a video interview

we talk about her book, her relationship with tao lin, blogging, the word 'stoned,' her ex-boyfriends, the word 'gorgeous,' relationships in general, blame, and [other things]. we sing songs by rilo kiley, the promise ring, and ol' dirty bastard. we laugh at frogs on a shower curtain. we stare at ourselves in each other's eyes and walk backwards until we can't see ourselves at all

click here for more info re selected unpublished blog posts...

*auxiliary coverage @ htmlgiant, the nervous breakdown, 'alert and soft cats'

Cute (.PDF)

2012-01-04T19:05:00.013-05:00

cute (thumbscrews press, 2011) is now available to download as a .pdf for $1

paypal jordancastroisthepresident[at]gmail[dot]com

click here for more information re cute

3x Poem

2012-01-01T11:00:00.003-05:00

'cormac mccarthy's dead typewriter' published 3x poem by me titled 'LOVE OR TRUST NO ONE INCLUDING YOURSELF BUT DON'T FEEL BAD ABOUT IT JUST ACCEPT IT AS NECESSARY AND MOVE ON,' 'REALLY BAD WITH MONEY,' and 'THERE ARE CERTAIN GIRLS I WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL WITH WHO I'D LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH BUT WILL NEVER HAVE SEX WITH AND THOUGH THIS IS A DEVASTATING TRUTH I MUCH ACCEPT IT AND MOVE ON'

The Ohioans - Jawbreaker (2011)

2011-12-18T15:03:00.004-05:00

the ohioans released an official music video for 'jawbreaker,' the first song on our self-titled full-length (available to listen to/download for free here)

filmed/edited/directed by jon washington

written by the ohioans and jon washington

*auxiliary coverage @ 'punknews.org'

1x Poem / 1x Story

2011-12-13T16:13:00.003-05:00

'up literature' published a poem by me titled 'IT IS MY FAULT THAT I FEEL ALONE' and a story by me titled 'THE GIRL WITH THE SHORT SHORTS AND THE ASS AND THE LEGS'

ANIMAL SOUNDS 2

2011-12-12T20:15:00.002-05:00

ANIMAL SOUNDS 2, a 16-song mixtape, is now available to listen to/download for free here

it is the second mixtape in the ANIMAL SOUNDS series

cover art by tao lin

features lyrics by/collaborations with mallory whitten, noah cicero, bebe zeva, james roehl, and fernando pessoa

*for news re shows and more, follow me on twitter and/or check the ohioans' tumblr. all inquiries re booking, interviews, and [anything else] can be sent to jordancastroisthepresident[at]gmail[dot]com

Austerity Pleasures - An Interview With James Payne

2011-12-07T09:44:00.000-05:00

'the nervous breakdown' published an interview i conducted with james payne re his poetry chapbook austerity pleasures (monster house press, 2011)

Announcing Yourself As 'Available for Interviews' vs. Following Several Thousand People On Twitter

2011-12-02T13:43:00.004-05:00

'htmlgiant' published a piece by me re 'announcing yourself as "available for interviews" vs. following several thousand people on twitter' as part of their 'tournament of bookshit'

formspring.me

2011-10-19T22:06:00.001-04:00

i have created a 'formspring.me' account

The First Time I Took a Girl to the Movies

2011-10-02T13:46:00.005-04:00

'hulu' (via 'thought catalog') published a piece by me re 'the first time i took a girl to the movies'

300-Pound Former Correctional Officer Featured In GQ Magazine

2011-09-24T21:01:00.004-04:00

'thought catalog' published a piece by me re '300-pound former correctional officer featured in gq magazine'

Gucci Mane Heading Back To Prison

2011-09-18T02:25:00.004-04:00

'thought catalog' published a piece by me re 'gucci mane heading back to prison'

Lil Wayne’s 'Tha Carter IV' Clocks In At 1 Mil Sales In First Week

2011-09-08T23:40:00.003-04:00

'thought catalog' published a piece by me re lil wayne's tha carter IV

This Ends Tonight

2011-09-06T12:35:00.004-04:00

'sense europa' published a piece by me titled 'this ends tonight' (p. 16)

4x Poem

2011-08-31T16:30:00.003-04:00

'shallow' published 4x poem by me titled 'thinking of things,' 'saturday morning, what should i do,' 'unchill' and 'awp'

3x Poem

2011-08-19T11:43:00.002-04:00

'hip hip hooray press' published 3x poem by me titled 'haiku,' '(bi-)polar bear!' and 'haiku - forgot'

Bigfoot!

2011-08-15T00:30:00.001-04:00

'short fiction collective' published a story by me titled 'bigfoot!'

The Ohioans CD

2011-06-26T19:03:00.013-04:00

the ohioans, a band i sing and play guitar in, has released our debut studio album, the ohioans. it is available to listen to/download for free here. a limited number of 'professionally pressed' CDs are available to purchase via paypaling $5 to jordancastroisthepresident[at]gmail[dot]com or emailing for where to send cash.

david d'amato and i wrote all of the songs on the album. i played drums, acoustic guitar and sang in the recording. david played everything else. adam wagner recorded/produced the album at 'bad racket studios.' mallory whitten created the album artwork.

for shows, pictures and more information re the ohioans, click here.

James Franco

2011-06-05T17:30:00.004-04:00

'muumuu house' published a story by me titled 'james franco'

The Deformed Looking Asian Girl

2011-05-19T10:11:00.001-04:00

'metazen' published a story by me titled 'the deformed looking asian girl'

The Ohioans

2011-05-02T21:34:00.013-04:00

i started a band with david d'amato and others called the ohioans

click here to listen to/download our debut studio album, the ohioans

TUMBLR | TWITTER | FACEBOOK | BANDCAMP

Us Against A World...

2011-04-17T20:11:00.015-04:00

i have released a 6-song e.p. titled Us Against A World Of Bitch Ass Faggots & They Don't Matter & We Will Prevail & Write Our Books & Smoke Our Blunts & Sip Our Lean & Fuck The Dying Bitch Of Life Until It's Gone & All That's Left Is Us Standing Over It, Breathing Heavily, (Finally) Alone & Happy & Free comprised of songs recorded on garageband over ~2 weeks.

it is available to listen to and/or download for free here.

*cover art by mallory whitten

Book Klub

2011-04-07T17:30:00.004-04:00

'htmlgiant' has premiered 'book klub,' a literary talk show featuring sam pink, noah cicero, mallory whitten, brittany wallace and myself.

Book Klub from jordan castro on Vimeo.

On Reading

2011-04-02T17:13:00.001-04:00

'laughing yeti' published a 'piece' by me titled 'on reading'

4x Poem

2011-03-20T02:35:00.005-04:00

'so and so' published 4x poem by me titled 'ancestors,' 'at school people say things,' '&&&' and 'serious emotional literature'

Cute - A Chapbook

2011-03-07T00:00:00.022-05:00

cute, a limited-edition chapbook of poetry and illustrations by mallory whitten and me, is now ~~available from 'thumbscrews press' for $6, via this blog~~ SOLD OUT.

*update* cute is now available to download as a .pdf for $1 *update*

CONTENTS

17x poem by jordan castro

18x illustration by mallory whitten

TO ORDER

~~paypal $6 to jordancastroisthepresident@gmail.com to order from mallory and i* or 'simply' click the button below~~ SOLD OUT

*includes 1x Cute, 1x 'one-of-a-kind' drawing by mallory, ?x 'organic vegan cupcake sticker,' 1x chance to win a 'lifetime subscription' re 'pear noir!' (after 75 copies sell, one person's name will be 'drawn from a hat' and s/he will receive the prize), [other things]

SELECTED COVERAGE

"Cute portrays—in a distinct, consistent tone/style that I liked looking at and thinking about—a variety of entities (delightfully drawn by Mallory Whitten) enjoying, experiencing, and enduring situations in a manner that stimulated me intellectually and emotionally." - Tao Lin (author of Richard Yates, Shoplifting From American Apparel)

"Jordan Castro and Mallory Whitten made me feel better for a few moments of my life. I liked looking at the pictures, I liked the one with the two birds. The two birds seemed like they really liked each other." - Noah Cicero (author of The Insurgent, Treatise, The Human War)

coverage @ 'malloryannwhitten.tumblr.com'

review @ 'goodreads.com'

*to request a review .pdf, please e-mail jordancastroisthepresident@gmail.com

READINGS

~~3.19.11~~ | Cleveland, OH | Visible Voice Books | 7pm | Jordan Castro, Mallory Whitten, Sam Pink, Noah Cicero

~~4.22.11~~ | Cleveland Heights, OH | Mac's Backs | 7pm | Jordan Castro, Mallory Whitten, Richard Wehrenberg Jr., Matt Whispers

OTHER

goodreads

Chop My Dick Off - An Interview With Sam Pink

2011-03-04T23:38:00.002-05:00

'the open end' published an interview i conducted with sam pink re his novel person (lazy fascist press, 2010)

Some Thoughts Re: Muumuu House

2011-03-04T14:41:00.006-05:00

'htmlgiant' published a piece by me re 'some thoughts re muumuu house'

*auxiliary coverage @ htmlgiant | thought catalog | dennis cooper's 'the weaklings'

El Pais

2011-03-04T14:21:00.008-05:00

'el pais,' spain's 'largest selling non-sports magazine,' wrote about me, to some degree

click here to read the unedited email interview

Shoplifting From American Apparel

2011-03-02T10:11:00.008-05:00

i am 'starring' in the film adaption of shoplifting from american apparel, the novella by tao lin, as tao lin

other people in the film include mallory whitten, noah cicero, brittany wallace, brad warner, james roehl, pirooz kalayeh, bebe zeva, more

'sangha films' is producing the film

jeffrey brown drew the movie poster and some animation in the film

the trailer is now on 'indiegogo,' where one can donate and receive [movie-related merchandise], including a 'special thanks' in the credits of the film, a dvd, a limited-edition chapbook with work from the cast and crew, and more *update* the film garnered $12k, previous offers no longer available *update*

[other things] re 'SFAA'

official website

twitter

'notes on going to hollywood' by noah cicero @ 'matador'

interview @ 'buzzle goose'

coverage @ 'the villiage voice'

coverage @ 'jeffrey brown comics'

coverage @ 'shikow' [1, 2]

coverage @ 'hardcore zen' [2]

* all photos by geoffrey hauschild

Extremely High In Dark Ass Room

2011-02-08T19:38:00.002-05:00

'muumuu house' published a poem by me titled 'extremely high in dark ass room'

Marijuana-Laced BBQ Sauce To Be Sold In Colorado Restaurants

2011-02-07T15:35:00.004-05:00

'thought catalog' published a piece by me re 'marijuana-laced BBQ sauce'

* auxiliary coverage @ 'NYmag'

'MUUMUU HOUSE (a dvd)'

2011-02-04T14:20:00.010-05:00

'MUUMUU HOUSE (a dvd)' is now available via this blog. paypal $10 to jordancastroisthepresident@gmail.com, e-mail for where to send cash, or 'simply' press the 'pay now' button on the sidebar of this blog.

'MUUMUU HOUSE (a dvd)' includes live readings by tao lin, noah cicero, megan boyle, jordan castro and mallory whitten, as well as a live music performance by [aforementioned authors] and other bonus features.

'MUUMUU HOUSE (a dvd)' is a limited-edition, high-definition dvd.

all orders will be personalized, to some degree, and include 1x dvd, 1x .pdf of 'cute' [http://bit.ly/jhbOVM], and other 'one of a kind' items from one or more of the muumuu house authors.

* muumuu house (est. 2008) is a publisher of poetry, fiction, Twitter selections, and Gmail chats online and in print.

*directed/edited by jon washington, filmed at mac's backs bookstore in cleveland heights, ohio.

Contest Supercomputer Contest

2011-02-02T20:46:00.001-05:00

*WINNERS* 1st - Matthew Windsem. 2nd - Rollerfink. 3rd - Joey Martin. *WINNERS*

to promote my new ebook from deckfight press, Supercomputer, i am hosting a - what some are calling 'fun,' 'art-encouragining' and 'potentially hit/prize-garnering for all involved' - contest on this blog

how to enter

1.) design and/or write about your 'ideal supercomputer'

2.) post it on your blog, tumblr, flickr, etc. with a link to this blog and/or the ebook

3.) comment a link to your 'supercomputer' in the comments section of this blog post (below) before FRIDAY, FEB 11, 2011. winners will be announced monday, feb 14, 2011.

prizes

will be awarded for 1st, 2nd and 3rd places

1st

- ones' 'supercomputer' design and/or description posted in the body of this blog post, with a link to the original entry / 1x unpublished, hand-edited, to some degree, full-length poetry manuscript, if i really wanted to feel happy i would feel happy already / 1x 'muumuu house (a dvd)' / 1x 'rare,' one of a kind, physical copy of ANIMAL SOUNDS / 1x think tank for human beings in general / 1x Assuming Size / 20x 'organic vegan cupcake' sticker

2nd

- ones' 'supercomputer' design and/or description posted in the body of this blog post, with a link to the original entry / 1x unpublished, hand-edited, to some degree, full-length poetry manuscript, if i really wanted to feel happy i would feel happy already / 1x 'rare,' one of a kind, physical copy of ANIMAL SOUNDS / 1x Assuming Size / 10x 'organic vegan cupcake' sticker

3rd

- ones' 'supercomputer' design and/or description posted in the body of this blog post, with a link to the original entry / 1x 'rare,' one of a kind, physical copy of ANIMAL SOUNDS or 1x Assuming Size / 10x 'organic vegan cupcake' sticker

entries will be judged by myself, under the category "what i like the most."

rules

any one contestant is allowed to enter as many times as s/he wants

entering the contest under a psuedonym is allowed

[everything else] is 'allowed.'

thank you.

Someone 'Hacked' My Blog

2011-01-31T14:35:00.003-05:00

* update * an account of the 'hacking' of my blog has been posted on my tumblr * update *

Supercomputer

2011-01-27T14:25:00.018-05:00

Supercomputer (deckfight press, 2011) is now available to read via .pdf file and 'epub'

contains 4x story. topics include lil wayne, neva dinova, the cleveland cavaliers, marijuana, drunk driving, organic echinacea tea, and more.

click here to see the 'video trailer'

goodreads

'selected coverage'

interview @ 'used furniture review'

interview @ 'impose' magazine

interview @ CCLaP

review @ 'this blog will change your life'

ANIMAL SOUNDS

2011-01-17T10:19:00.010-05:00

a 'mixtape,' based on what i know, is a cd - usually of the rap genre and released for free and/or online - comprised of 'shittier' versions of songs that haven't been released yet, freestyles, remixes, rapping or singing over an instrumental used by another artist and [other songs].

ANIMAL SOUNDS is a 19-song 'mixtape,' the first of [???] 'mixtapes,' comprised of 'shitty-ass' songs that i recorded on garageband, for the most part, had no intention of sharing with anybody else.

i created a 'bandcamp' account, where one can download ANIMAL SOUNDS in it's entirety, listen to/download each song individually and/or do the same re anti-american.

cover design by mallory whitten.

* for news re shows and more, follow me on twitter, 'like' my facebook page and/or check my 'bandcamp' account. all inquiries re booking, interviews and [anything else] can be sent to jordancastroisthepresident@gmail.com. thank you.

How To Be Cool In High School

2011-01-07T10:59:00.000-05:00

'thought catalog' published a piece by me re 'how to be cool in high school'

Poem I Wrote While Pooping...

2011-01-03T16:18:00.002-05:00

'unsure if i will allow my beard to grow for much longer' published a poem by me titled 'poem i wrote while pooping at your house after eating an entire box of vegan chicken nuggets then edited a little later while listening to you guitar solo'

Stray

2010-12-25T10:32:00.002-05:00

'metazen' published a story by me titled 'stray'

On Matthew Savoca's 'long love poem with descriptive title' and Myself

2010-12-09T19:04:00.001-05:00

'the nervous breakdown' published a review i wrote re 'matthew savoca's long love poem with descriptive title and myself'

What I Did the Last Five Black Fridays

2010-11-26T18:56:00.002-05:00

'thought catalog' published a piece by me re 'what i did the last five black fridays'

Lil Wayne Released From Jail

2010-11-04T13:31:00.007-04:00

'thought catalog' published a piece by me re 'lil wayne released from jail'

* auxiliary coverage @ 'the atlantic wire'

Waka Flocka Flame - Flockaveli

2010-10-31T23:59:00.005-04:00

'thought catalog' published a review i wrote re waka flocka flame's first studio album, flockaveli

Assuming Size - A Chapbook

2010-10-17T15:18:00.024-04:00

assuming size, a four-way split chapbook of poetry by richard wehrenberg jr., ryan j., james payne and myself is now ~~available from 'monster house press' for $2~~ SOLD OUT. it is available to read online, here.

CONTENTS

2x poem by me

2x poem by richard

3x poem by ryan

4x poem by james

TO ORDER

paypal $2 to richardwehrenbergjr [at] gmail [dot] com or e-mail the same address for where to send cash

TO VIEW ONLINE

click here

SELECTED COVERAGE

richard wehrenberg jr. informational blog post

interview w/ 3x author at 'some moths'

steve mcgouldrick review

'on lives'/dan tarnowski review

interview w/ richard wehrenberg jr. at 'radioactive moat'

READINGS

~~11.27.10 - Columbus, OH - Jordan Castro, Richard Wehrenberg Jr., Ryan J. & James Payne @ Kafe Kerouac, 8 pm~~

~~12.18.10 - Kent, OH - Jordan Castro, Richard Wehrenberg Jr., more @ 'House House,' 8 pm~~

OTHER

cover art by maryn jones

5.5 x 4.235 inch paper

assuming size on 'goodreads'

if you are interested in reviewing a complimentary copy of assuming size, would like to interview me or [anyone involved with assuming size] or [anything else] e-mail jordancastroisthepresident [at] gmail [dot] com.

i will update any and all things re assuming size in this blog post. keep checking back for updates

interview with jordan castro re assuming size via mallory

whitten

Who came up with the idea to make assuming size and why?

i don’t know who came up with the idea. i received an email from richard one day telling me that he, james and ryan had discussed making a “a 4-way split little poetry book thing” and they “wanted [me] as the fourth person.” in the same email, richard typed “this can be kind of just a preview / pre-promo-release for any / all of our greater plans” which I think explains why, to some degree, the chapbook was created.

Did you sort through and accept or decline each other's poems for the chapbook? What was the process for submitting poems for it?

the process for including poems, for me, was to ‘simply’ send my poems to richard. i don’t know what james or ryan did.

What is your personal history with everyone who collaborated to make assuming size?

richard wehrenberg jr. – we met on the porch of ‘the soggy dog house,’ a house that hosts shows. we frequently saw each other at shows, talked on aol instant messager, hung out at his house in kent and [other things]. we briefly played in a band together and wrote/made a chapbook together.

ryan j. – we met on the porch of ‘the soggy dog house.’ when i met him, i thought he was high on pills because he was acting a certain way. i learned he was not high on pills and for the next ~1.5 years ~90% of the time we saw each other he said something about pills. our bands played shows together semi-regularly and we saw each other semi-regularly at shows. we hung out, talked and [other things].

james payne – i first heard of him when i was at ‘the monster mouse’ in columbus a few years ago, where ryan and james lived at the time and where richard now lives. i said something about the amount of books on the bookshelf in the living room and ryan told me that most of them belonged to “jimi” (james). years later, james commented on a piece i wrote about shit-talking on the internet. i think he commented on something else that i wrote too. at ‘dit fest’ this year, ryan told me james said he was excited to see tao and i read. ryan said something like “he writes poetry too. he thinks he’s not good but he’s really talented.” later that day, james introduced himself to me. in a blog comment, i told him i liked his hair.

What are your favorite poems in assuming size?

currently, my favorite poems in assuming size are my poems and “Nature Morte” and “One-of-everything” by james payne.

Are you involved in any other projects right now?

yes. i am currently working on a chapbook with you titled cute and a book of prose-poetry titled The Party Never Ends If You Kill Yourself During The Party. i am also working on another full-length music cd with david d’amato and you.

Police Arrest Family On Account of House Smelling Strongly Like Feces

2010-10-14T14:43:00.007-04:00

'thought catalog' published a piece by me re 'police arrest family on account of house smelling strongly like feces'

A List Of Things I Am Going To Do

2010-10-13T23:09:00.004-04:00

'the nervous breakdown' published a poem by me re 'a list of things i am going to do'*

*previously published in think tank for human beings in general

Radio

2010-10-11T16:12:00.015-04:00

i talked and played songs with david d'amato on 'black squirrel radio' wednesday (10.13.10)

to listen to 3x song from the show, click here.

'don't miss this once in a lifetime opportunity to hear your two favorite indie kings of social anxiety lit rock at their most candid, raw and awkward' (jk)

click here to download our debut full-length album, 'anti-american,' for free

T.V.

2010-10-04T23:32:00.003-04:00

i was interviewed and played a song on t.v. with david d'amato (begins at ~22 min.)

Punk Bands I've Been Listening to Lately

2010-10-01T09:56:00.004-04:00

'thought catalog' published a piece by me re 'punk bands i've been listening to lately'

$1.2 Million in Cash, 20 Kilograms of Heroin

2010-09-25T19:53:00.004-04:00

'thought catalog' published a 'news piece' by me re 'drug kingpin' from solon, ohio

"48-year-old Bryant Johnson, owner of a million dollar home in one of the most prestigious developments in Solon, dealt drugs around Cleveland’s east side, operating many “stash houses” in neighboring areas. He was what one would call a “drug kingpin.”"

Everybody Left: DIT Fest 2010

2010-09-20T06:57:00.009-04:00

'thought catalog' published a piece by me re 'dit fest'

the last, and

2010-09-08T07:03:00.003-04:00

'metazen' published a story by me titled 'the last, and'

it is the sole story in my forthcoming poetry collection, if i really wanted to feel happy i would feel happy already. if you are a publisher interested in my manuscript, e-mail jordancastroisthepresident [at] gmail [dot] com.

Selections From My Twitter Account

2010-09-06T12:22:00.002-04:00

'muumuu house' published selections from my twitter account

Rappers I've Been Listening to Lately

2010-09-05T14:14:00.002-04:00

'thought catalog' published a piece by me re 'rappers i've been listening to lately'

Facebook / Video

2010-08-17T10:00:00.013-04:00

i have created a facebook page

'thought catalog' published a 'piece' by me explaining, to some degree, why

above is a video i created using footage from my recent visit to new york city and the song '25!'

by bomb the music industry!

[news]

* i have created a 'news' section on the sidebar of this blog

Anti-American

2010-06-22T23:08:00.031-04:00

*OUT NOW*

9 songs / written by jordan castro / recorded, mixed, and mastered by david d'amato

to order a personalized physical copy, paypal $3-5 to jordancastroisthepresident [at] gmail [dot] com or e-mail the same address for where to send cash.

to download the cd in it's entirety, for free, click here.

**the sale re 'anti-american' mentioned in this blog post is still available, and will be available until july 2nd**

for more information, upcoming shows, pictures, and 'all things "jordan castro music,"' click here.

Products

2010-06-11T18:36:00.067-04:00

THINK TANK FOR HUMAN BEINGS IN GENERAL, *SECOND EDITION*

the second edition of my split poetry chapbook with richard wehrenberg jr., 'think tank for human beings in general,' is now available for three dollars.

**SALE**

the first 5 people who purchase the second edition of 'think tank' will receive 1x 'fucked up' chapbook and 1x 'personalized item, to some degree' from my bedroom. *update* offer no longer available *update*

the first 10 people who purchase the second edition of 'think tank' will receive ???x 'personalized item, to some degree' from my bedroom. *update* offer no longer available *update*

paypal $$$ to jordancastroisthepresident [at] gmail [dot] com, or e-mail the same address for where to send cash.

*for selected work, press, blurbs, and "all things 'think tank,'" click here.

[~10.5 hours of footage re: printing/assembling chapbooks edited down to a 'pretty consumable' length]

---

ANTI-AMERICAN, *DEBUT FULL-LENGTH MUSIC CD*

'anti-american,' my debut full-length music cd, is to be released june 25th, 2010.

it will be available to download for free online, or, if one would prefer, to purchase, in physical reality (and via mail), for four dollars. it includes nine songs, written by myself and recorded with david d'amato.

**SALE**

for a limited time only, one can order 1x personalized copy of 'anti-american' and 1x 'think tank for human beings in general' for a total of five dollars. *update* offer no longer available *update*

paypal $$$ to jordancastroisthepresident [at] gmail [dot] com, or e-mail the same e-mail address for where to send cash.

*for selected songs, upcoming shows, and "all things 'jordan castro music,'" click here.

An Interview

2010-06-01T11:09:00.035-04:00

i interviewed erik stinson, film-maker and poet living in oakland, california, about myself. this was our first direct correspondence (besides establishing that an interview would take place). below are the unedited questions/responses.

how did you first encounter my internet presence, and how did you react mentally, emotionally, and/or physically?

i'm pretty sure i was just looking through people tao followed on twitter at some point in early-mid 2009. i found out about you that way. sometimes i think about tao and then i think 'like, ok one more person can get on this train but then it is leaving,' and then ten more people get on 'the train.' i am kind of tried and discouraged re 'the tao train,' but i don't feel bad for any of the primary 'rail cars' at this point. as this 'tao train' evolves and branches it will probably not be as much of an issue. now i honestly feel that you are a legitimate online person/writer, but residual (unjustified feelings of 'who the fuck is this teen who just discovering 2007') still remain.

what are ~3-5 nouns, in any, that you associate with my name?

elf, small helpless mammal, hack, teen

can you further elaborate on your comment here?

i read your comments and i was thinking like, this guy is actually pretty into communicating in online forums. and while he seems very annoying at times, he probably gets more hits that i do re 'hurt' girls he knows and people who confuse him for justin bieber. some kind beef would be funny, at least. and if were ever met there could be like awkward posturing or something.

can you further elaborate on this tweet, in regards to why you chose to 'follow'/'unfollow' me in any or all of said instances? in your view, why should someone follow me or not follow me on twitter?

first of all, i recommend everyone follow you, based on how impossibly annoying and ultimately, after several months, cathartic your tweets are. let me explain.

though i had come to respect you on some level i was still having trouble accepting your twitter feed. everything i disliked about your style, tone, syntax, and personal brand was amplified there.

the first time i was like, 'ok who the fuck is this, he has like a polaroid, wtf'
then i unfollowed you because of some tweet like "just ate a smoothy and touched myself in an elfish manner" or something like that.

the second time i was like 'oh yeah that guy. is he like 18 yet?'
then i unfollowed you because of some tweet like "'i' [uh] ~felt.. 'something' (and then) 'cried' 'tearfully'" (simulated).

then last week i was like, god i bet he is still doing those same butt-hurt tao tweets, which is actually really funny at this point. to my great delight i was almost immediately rewarded with: "felt a distinct 'craving' for 'the taste of pussy' after seeing 'a pair of undies' somewhere online, i think, ~5 secs prior to the craving."

so basically i'm really happy about you (jordan castro) existing but i still think that you are boring, annoying, and ultimately doomed. i think of you and i feel deeply that nothing is interesting or original, that everyone is stupid, and that I will never be happy. it is a great burden and a great relief. as the right-wing radio show host zachary german probably says, 'pistols at dawn faggot.'

Information

2010-04-12T19:29:00.140-04:00

New York City

saturday night - i met david fishkind inside of starbucks in washington square park. we hugged. we walked to his dorm room. we listened to lil' wayne. later, zachary german and tao lin came into david's dorm room. we talked quietly. we walked to 'lifethyme' and ate food. audun mortensen met us there. i laughed out loud, a lot, upon seeing him, i think because he was 'like, 100% asian and he had a mustache.' i tried to conceal my laughter, but 'only laughed more,' due to my attempts at concealing my laughter.

after purchasing a container with food in it and eating the food, i walked downstairs with the intention of re-filling the container with food, but not paying for the food. i walked back upstairs and i said that i was nervous. zachary said, "i hate you." i walked downstairs with david and i filled the container with food. i asked david to carry the container of food up the stairs.

later, i walked downstairs with tao to get desert. we watched a black man fill a basket with ~20 vegan desserts. we expressed concern. i felt genuinely 'disturbed,' i think, re 'how many pieces of cake, or whatever, he was placing into the basket.' tao and i watched him purchase the vegan desserts. tao said something like, "i thought he was an insane homeless man or something." i said, "yeah."

at some point, i dropped my fork on the ground and expressed concern re 'whether or not i should still use it.' david said something like, "it's just like, wood or something, i'd get a new one." zachary said something like, "i'll touch the ground and lick my finger if you want." zachary proceeded to touch the ground and lick his finger.

sunday night - i saw the play 'billy elliot' with my family.

monday night - i ate dinner at a small organic vegan restaurant with tao lin. tao expressed his aversion towards the restaurant multiple times. he said something like, "i don't like this place. i'm like, imagining myself ordering the food, and eating the food, and i don't like, enjoy any of it or something." we talked about literature and our ex girlfriends. i ordered a 'meatball' sub and a spinach salad. tao ordered a ceasar salad and a scone. while eating, we ordered a large bottle of organic beer. we did not get charged for the beer.

after dinner, we walked to 'think' coffee. i ordered a small black coffee and tao ordered a medium iced coffee with no ice. we sat. we stood up. tao 'chugged' his iced coffee in ~5 seconds.

when i was looking for a cab to go back to my hotel, tao pointed in two different directions, indicating that walking one way would be better than walking the other way. there was a miscommunication and i began walking in the opposite direction of the street he indicated was the better street to catch a cab on. he said, "no," and pointed the other direction. i laughed quietly and walked with him. he helped me catch a cab.

Tao Lin

Tao: how are you feeling about this blog post

i'm 'feeling lost'

Sent at 6:04 PM on Monday

me: my initial reaction seemed to be 'damn,' in a way like i felt a mixture of 'cant believe he posted that' / 'high levels of interest' / 'sweet post'

Tao: how're you cooking this up, seems like most people are letting it marinade

me: seemed out of character, to some degree

i am grinning re cooking

Tao: feeling craz

brain isn't processing anything really, seems like i'm coasting in a hazy cloud

me: 'skimming' the post again

Sent at 6:07 PM on Monday

me: seems good, idk

mallory liked it, she texted me and told me she liked it

Tao: oh good

you're still marinated

she served it up

me: jesus christ...

seemed a good post

working now on my post re nyc / party w/ noah

feel like...

you 'beat me to it' re post re party...

Tao: damn

me: 'why did you post it'

not rhetorical

Tao: last paragraph explains

oh yeah

damn

i just served it up...i guess

me: sweet

damn

wonder if u and zg will have beef

jamie seems to have beef with everyone

or something

Tao: he defriended me...so

i'm down with whatever via 'ready to kill myself whenever'

me: i laughed quietly

Tao: i mean, i'm ready to be chill with anyone, or something

me: wonder how to make this post better

can i...

should i...

no, nvm

was going to ask to 'interview you' re 'our dinner together'

Tao: simmer it in a light soy sauce broth of olive oil

i'm down with that

if you want to do it now

me: just thought, 'he is way to into this hamster cooking shit'

Tao: i'm down with an interview

me: i will do it now, i may or may not use it

Tao: k

hit me up...

i use cliches w/o quotation marks now if i understand the other person understands i would normally use quotation marks

getting lazy

or prioritizing i guess, rather

me: what are ~3 things that 'stick out in your mind' from when we met, either the first time at lifethyme or the second at the restaurant?

Tao: letting those ?s marinate, i see

your shirt, though i don't remember what it is really, your hair, i guess, that you talked about your hair, which seemed normal to me, and perhaps your allergies, that you had 'mad' allergies to 'various shit' and 'all nuts,' i think

Sent at 6:15 PM on Monday

me: what (if anything) can you mentally project yourself saying about meeting me to someone in a social situation, who is familiar with the blogosphere?

[hard to think of q's.... 'need more safflower oil'....]

Tao: he's allergic to nuts

me: honestly can't think of any more questions...

have to pee..

Tao: sweet interview

me: going to include it, i guess

'oh'

how did meeting me in physical reality change your perception of me?

if it changed

Tao: i didn't know about your nut allergies before

Sent at 6:22 PM on Monday

Tao is busy. You may be interrupting.

Video & more

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[above is an unedited excerpt of a gmail chat between tao lin and i. the post being referenced at the beginning of the chat was the 'short-lived' post on tao's blog about a party he went to. you can scroll to read the chat.]

sunday afternoon - i met miles ross at an organic cafe called 'earth matters.' i sat at a table on the upper level of the cafe while miles purchased two organic IPA beers. miles said that he was training a fat, balding employee at the television station where he worked. we laughed at a man who was staring industriously at his laptop / seemingly 'insane' on possibly 'more than one level.' miles walked downstairs and purchased another beer for us to share. we talked about zachary, tao, david, audun, and justin taylor's blog post re 'ewyfs.' something weird happened that had to do with the bathroom, but i forget what it was. i walked downstairs, after some discussion with miles re 'if they would i.d. me or not,' and i purchased one beer for us to share. after i walked back to were we were sitting, i said, "i kept trying to conceal a grin." he said, "when was i trying to conceal a grin?" miles was gmail chatting zachary on his droid. i was repeatedly referred to as 'castraham.'

when i 'flagged down a cab,' after much confusion as to which cabs had people in them and which cabs didn't, i told the cab driver the address of my hotel and he shook his head. he said, "no," and proceeded to drive away.

sunday night - while sharing a tall bottle of beer with david in a deli down the street from the hotel i was staying at, ~5 NYPD officers walked into the deli. they lingered, idly staring at food items and talking amongst themselves. some of them stood in line for the bathroom ~3 feet away from where david and i were sitting. we sat nervously trying to figure out what to do. my butt cheeks clenched. david said, 'should we leave.' i said, 'no.' we chugged the beer and threw it away. after much internal debate, i purchased a vegan sugar cookie.

later, david said, "i feel like we just survived something."

the last words he said to me were, "i'll see you... on the internet."

---

Party ft. Noah Cicero and Brittany Wallace

mallory and i arrived in kent at ~10:30 p.m. we drove to 'bottles' (a beer store) and i purchased one six-pack of wolaver's brand organic indian pale ale. we drove to brittany wallace's apartment. we were greeted by noah cicero 'announcing,' "JORDAN CASTRO." noah and brittany were sitting on a couch. candles were lit.

we exchanged hellos and spoke quietly. we talked about new york city. noah asked 'how zachary was,' and 'if he had yelled any profanities at random black people or not.' he talked about some people whose names i'd only seen briefly on the internet. i felt interested.

at some point, i said, 'did you guys smoke weed?'

brittany said, 'i do sometimes. he doesn't really. i got him to smoke once though.'

i said, 'damn... i mean.. or, i saw that on the table and.. noah looks like he smoked or something.'

i laughed a little bit.

they said they hadn't smoked.

more women arrived. the noise levels increased. things were said. 'sam dee' and 'sarah san' were there.

at some point, the females in the room spoke loudly of their 'initial encounters' re their dad's penises.

noah called himself 'the pull-out ninja,' re 'being 29 and never having got a girl pregnant.'

brittany said, 'are we acting like we're high?'

someone turned on a dvd that was a t.v. show that used to be on MTV. i opened the word document of my poetry on my laptop. i edited poetry. noah edited my poetry. i said, 'my poetry file sucks. i hate my life.' brittany and noah laughed. i said, 'my poetry file. i fucking hate myself.' brittany and noah laughed. noah said to mallory, 'is this what he is like all of the time?' noah indicated that he was 'having a telephone conversation' by placing his thumb against his ear and his pinky near his mouth. he said dramatically, 'mallory! my poetry file... it's so bad! i can't go on living like this. i've been staring at it for three hours! i've been opening it and closing it!'

mallory and i laughed extremely hard. i laughed extremely hard.

at some point, i brought my acoustic guitar into brittany's apartment. noah played metallica songs and (i think) guns 'n' roses. i played/sang ~1/2 of 'elephant gun' by beirut. noah continued to play the guitar. one of the women said, 'noah, the way you play guitar makes my pussy so wet.' noah continued to shred, and the woman proceeded to take her pants off and fist herself. she said, 'i probably shouldn't do this while i'm pregnant.' noah told me about people from youngstown university.

at some point, noah had me 'bring up' one of brandon's poems and one of tao's poems, using the internet. he told me about 'consonance' and 'dissonance' and 'alliteration.' we both seemed to feel affinity towards brandon's poetry book. i felt interested.

a gay male came to brittany's apartment for ~3-25 minutes.

at some point, brittany retrieved a kombucha from her refrigerator and brought it into the living room. things were said. many people tried/'smelled' kombucha for the first time in their lives. noah 'cringed' upon taking a sip, making a disgusted facial expression and shaking his head violently ~7 times in one consecutive 'shake.'

everybody continued to drink beer. things were said. i felt interested/excited.

'when all was said and done,' noah and brittany went upstairs to sleep. mallory and i slept on a pull-out couch in brittany's living room. mallory and i could hear noah and brittany having sex. noah seemed to be doing a good job. mallory and i interacted sexually. we fell asleep.

---

what i have been working on

- i have been writing poetry/short fiction on an almost daily basis. if anybody wants to solicit me for publication on their website, e-mail me (jordancastroisthepresident@gmail.com).

- i have written/am recording songs with my friend david d'amato. we are going to release a CD called, 'anti-american,' that should be completed within the next ~2-3 months.

- i have been working on a novel. going to pursue it with more interest over the summer.

---

My History Re: Smoking Cigarettes

2010-03-03T12:19:00.074-05:00

A Vaguely Comrehensive / Chronological Timeline Re: Cigarettes and I

Summer 2007 – Sat outside of CVS pharmacy with my friend Ryan. Asked ‘the first black person who walked by’ to buy us cigarettes and a lighter. ‘The first black person who walked by’ said okay. Once the transaction was complete, Ryan and I walked to a parking garage near apartments. Ryan told me to ‘suck on [the cigarette] like a straw.’ He said, ‘It’s not bad for you if you just hold it in your mouth.’ After ~3-7 failed attempts, smoke entered my lungs. I coughed. I learned how to make smoke come out of my mouth, while not inhaling smoke into my lungs. I did this. We smoked.

August 2007 – My friend Caden and I stole three Marlboro Light brand cigarettes from his mom. We snuck out of his house later that night. We walked around his neighborhood. We smoked.

Fall 2007 – Stole two Camel cigarettes ‘backstage’ at a concert venue where my band played. Showed them to my (now ex) girlfriend, who seemed ‘disconcerted’ upon seeing them. I told her I had no intention of smoking them, while having every intention of smoking them.

Summer 2008 – Frequently smoked American Spirit brand cigarettes.

June 2008 – Apprehensively ‘start smoking.’ Smoke ~16 cigarettes in ~4 hours with my friend Evan. Share stories and feelings, promise to never smoke again. Write “Never Forget, Ever” on my bathroom mirror. Write “check for waste” on my bedroom door.

Continue smoking. Frequently smoke behind Arabica Coffee/the liquor store. Use bathroom soap, lotion, ‘liquid containing incense sticks,’ various sprays, and gum to hide the smell of smoke from my parents.

July 2008 – At some point, repeatedly ‘roll around’ in the grass, in an attempt to get the smell of cigarette smoke off of me.

August 2008 – Mom first inquires re the smell of cigarette smoke on my clothes. I say I was around people who were smoking. We ‘leave it at that.’

Fall 2008 – Frequently smoke 'corporate cigarettes.'

September 2008 – Think ‘Fuck it, I’m just going to smoke a cigarette in the bathroom’ on a daily basis – never smoke in school.

While ‘chain smoking’ in an empty loading dock garage, Mallory and I become paranoid re ‘private property.’ We walk away. A police car seems to be following us. We stop walking in an attempt to ‘ditch the police car.’ The police car pulls into a driveway ahead of us, and turns around. I place my pack of cigarettes and my lighter underneath bushes in front of somebody’s house. ~30 minutes later, ‘after the coast is clear,’ I walk back to the bushes where I 'stashed' my cigarettes. They are not there. I ‘freak out’ for ~5 minutes. I knock on the homeowner’s door and a fat man, who is wearing a wife beater and eating a hot dog, answers the door. I tell him that I was holding my friends' cigarettes for him, which I think I accidentally dropped in his yard, and that I’d like them back if he has them. He tells me that he is a retired police officer. He says, ‘Now get off my porch.’ I get off his porch.

October 2008 – Mom seems to have inquired re smoking ~3-7 times. Smoking heavily. Camel Filters, Marlboro Reds. Get into Smoking Joe’s brand cigarettes.

November 13th 2008 – 16^th birthday, suffer from severe nicotine withdrawal. Spend entire day in the nurses office, and ‘fess up’ to her re nicotine withdrawal. Walk ~3 miles in various directions with Mallory and Ziggy in pursuit of a cigarette, ‘to no avail.’ Smoke the remains of ~3 cigarette butts from an ashtray. Eat two entire bags of Snyder’s brand hot buffalo wing flavored pretzels. Repeatedly think, ‘Fucking cigarettes’ while receiving a blowjob.

November 2008 - Receive a bathrobe and money from relatives. A relative, unaware of my smoking habits, makes a sarcastic joke about my robe being a ‘smoking jacket’ and says something ‘in the vein of,' ‘Don’t spend all of that money on cigarettes.’

Winter 2008/09 - Attempt to 'quit smoking' ~7-9 times. 'Go halves' on a carton of Smoking Joe's brand cigarettes with Ziggy. Purchase 2x ‘air freshener’ for my car.

December 2008 – At some point ‘eat snow’ in an attempt to get the smell of cigarette smoke out of my mouth. Frequently smoke cigarettes behind the public library before school. Parents make me remove air fresheners re ‘stinking up the garage.' Repeatedly act ‘dumbfounded’ when (now ex) girlfriend inquires re smell of smoke.

January 2009 – Attempt to 'quit smoking' after New Year’s Eve. Seems successful for ~3 days, until [something] happens. I smoke.

February 2009 – Dad receives a phone call from someone who tells him that they saw me smoking a cigarette. Mom says some things to me. ‘I party.’ The next day my Dad takes me to the Cleveland Clinic for a full urine specimen. I ‘fail miserably’ re alcohol and nicotine. Dad seems furious re my persistent lying/the amount of nicotine in my bloodstream. Grounds me for ~2 weeks.

Spring 2009

March 2009 – Frequently leave school via the school nurse to smoke cigarettes. ‘Concoct’ various schemes to get out of school in order to smoke cigarettes. Dad takes me to the Cleveland Clinic for a full urine specimen. I ‘fail miserably’ re nicotine. Grounded for ~2 weeks. I decide to quit smoking while in California.

April 2009 – I successfully 'quit smoking' while in California.

---

click here to read my other essay re smoking cigarettes at 'the nervous breakdown'

---

Electronic Cigarettes

Poems / Tumblr

2010-02-16T22:41:00.021-05:00

2/20/10

taking the SAT practice test

10:23 a.m

i guess i should feel happy

something to do

---

f(x)

really hungry

keep imagining the taste of BBQ seitan

---

the black kid

sitting next to me seems nice

said something like "fuuuck" to me,

in a way that implied comaradarie

we were both like

'fuck this shit'

together

---

during the second 5 minute break

someone asked me

'so, are you and mallory like, a thing

or what?'

i said 'no'

---

the indian kid

blew his nose like three times in a row

seems to be maybe 19 years old

there are a few little kids here

'one doesn't even have a "fucking" calculator'

God Damn Bitches...

2010-02-03T21:51:00.004-05:00

i wrote an article about 'shit-talking'

Animal Sorrow

2x Poem

On 'Helping Daniel Cooper Become A Muumuu Minimalist'

Megan Boyle Video Interview

Cute (.PDF)

3x Poem

The Ohioans - Jawbreaker (2011)

1x Poem / 1x Story

ANIMAL SOUNDS 2

Austerity Pleasures - An Interview With James Payne

Announcing Yourself As 'Available for Interviews' vs. Following Several Thousand People On Twitter

formspring.me

The First Time I Took a Girl to the Movies

300-Pound Former Correctional Officer Featured In GQ Magazine

Gucci Mane Heading Back To Prison

Lil Wayne’s 'Tha Carter IV' Clocks In At 1 Mil Sales In First Week

This Ends Tonight

4x Poem

3x Poem

Bigfoot!

The Ohioans CD

James Franco

The Deformed Looking Asian Girl

The Ohioans

Us Against A World...

Book Klub

On Reading

4x Poem

Cute - A Chapbook

Chop My Dick Off - An Interview With Sam Pink

Some Thoughts Re: Muumuu House

El Pais

Shoplifting From American Apparel

Extremely High In Dark Ass Room

Marijuana-Laced BBQ Sauce To Be Sold In Colorado Restaurants

'MUUMUU HOUSE (a dvd)'

*Contest* Supercomputer *Contest*

Someone 'Hacked' My Blog

Supercomputer

ANIMAL SOUNDS

How To Be Cool In High School

Poem I Wrote While Pooping...

Stray

On Matthew Savoca's 'long love poem with descriptive title' and Myself

What I Did the Last Five Black Fridays

Lil Wayne Released From Jail

Waka Flocka Flame - Flockaveli

Assuming Size - A Chapbook

Police Arrest Family On Account of House Smelling Strongly Like Feces

A List Of Things I Am Going To Do

Radio

T.V.

Punk Bands I've Been Listening to Lately

$1.2 Million in Cash, 20 Kilograms of Heroin

Everybody Left: DIT Fest 2010

the last, and

Selections From My Twitter Account

Rappers I've Been Listening to Lately

Facebook / Video

Anti-American

Products

An Interview

Information

My History Re: Smoking Cigarettes

Poems / Tumblr

God Damn Bitches...

Contest Supercomputer Contest