A Vaguely Comrehensive / Chronological Timeline Re: Cigarettes and I
Summer 2007 – Sat outside of CVS pharmacy with my friend Ryan. Asked ‘the first black person who walked by’ to buy us cigarettes and a lighter. ‘The first black person who walked by’ said okay. Once the transaction was complete, Ryan and I walked to a parking garage near apartments. Ryan told me to ‘suck on [the cigarette] like a straw.’ He said, ‘It’s not bad for you if you just hold it in your mouth.’ After ~3-7 failed attempts, smoke entered my lungs. I coughed. I learned how to make smoke come out of my mouth, while not inhaling smoke into my lungs. I did this. We smoked.
August 2007 – My friend Caden and I stole three Marlboro Light brand cigarettes from his mom. We snuck out of his house later that night. We walked around his neighborhood. We smoked.
Fall 2007 – Stole two Camel cigarettes ‘backstage’ at a concert venue where my band played. Showed them to my (now ex) girlfriend, who seemed ‘disconcerted’ upon seeing them. I told her I had no intention of smoking them, while having every intention of smoking them.
Summer 2008 – Frequently smoked American Spirit brand cigarettes.
June 2008 – Apprehensively ‘start smoking.’ Smoke ~16 cigarettes in ~4 hours with my friend Evan. Share stories and feelings, promise to never smoke again. Write “Never Forget, Ever” on my bathroom mirror. Write “check for waste” on my bedroom door.
Continue smoking. Frequently smoke behind Arabica Coffee/the liquor store. Use bathroom soap, lotion, ‘liquid containing incense sticks,’ various sprays, and gum to hide the smell of smoke from my parents.
July 2008 – At some point, repeatedly ‘roll around’ in the grass, in an attempt to get the smell of cigarette smoke off of me.
August 2008 – Mom first inquires re the smell of cigarette smoke on my clothes. I say I was around people who were smoking. We ‘leave it at that.’
Fall 2008 – Frequently smoke 'corporate cigarettes.'
September 2008 – Think ‘Fuck it, I’m just going to smoke a cigarette in the bathroom’ on a daily basis – never smoke in school.
While ‘chain smoking’ in an empty loading dock garage, Mallory and I become paranoid re ‘private property.’ We walk away. A police car seems to be following us. We stop walking in an attempt to ‘ditch the police car.’ The police car pulls into a driveway ahead of us, and turns around. I place my pack of cigarettes and my lighter underneath bushes in front of somebody’s house. ~30 minutes later, ‘after the coast is clear,’ I walk back to the bushes where I 'stashed' my cigarettes. They are not there. I ‘freak out’ for ~5 minutes. I knock on the homeowner’s door and a fat man, who is wearing a wife beater and eating a hot dog, answers the door. I tell him that I was holding my friends' cigarettes for him, which I think I accidentally dropped in his yard, and that I’d like them back if he has them. He tells me that he is a retired police officer. He says, ‘Now get off my porch.’ I get off his porch.
October 2008 – Mom seems to have inquired re smoking ~3-7 times. Smoking heavily. Camel Filters, Marlboro Reds. Get into Smoking Joe’s brand cigarettes.
November 13th 2008 – 16th birthday, suffer from severe nicotine withdrawal. Spend entire day in the nurses office, and ‘fess up’ to her re nicotine withdrawal. Walk ~3 miles in various directions with Mallory and Ziggy in pursuit of a cigarette, ‘to no avail.’ Smoke the remains of ~3 cigarette butts from an ashtray. Eat two entire bags of Snyder’s brand hot buffalo wing flavored pretzels. Repeatedly think, ‘Fucking cigarettes’ while receiving a blowjob.
November 2008 - Receive a bathrobe and money from relatives. A relative, unaware of my smoking habits, makes a sarcastic joke about my robe being a ‘smoking jacket’ and says something ‘in the vein of,' ‘Don’t spend all of that money on cigarettes.’
Winter 2008/09 - Attempt to 'quit smoking' ~7-9 times. 'Go halves' on a carton of Smoking Joe's brand cigarettes with Ziggy. Purchase 2x ‘air freshener’ for my car.
December 2008 – At some point ‘eat snow’ in an attempt to get the smell of cigarette smoke out of my mouth. Frequently smoke cigarettes behind the public library before school. Parents make me remove air fresheners re ‘stinking up the garage.' Repeatedly act ‘dumbfounded’ when (now ex) girlfriend inquires re smell of smoke.
January 2009 – Attempt to 'quit smoking' after New Year’s Eve. Seems successful for ~3 days, until [something] happens. I smoke.
February 2009 – Dad receives a phone call from someone who tells him that they saw me smoking a cigarette. Mom says some things to me. ‘I party.’ The next day my Dad takes me to the Cleveland Clinic for a full urine specimen. I ‘fail miserably’ re alcohol and nicotine. Dad seems furious re my persistent lying/the amount of nicotine in my bloodstream. Grounds me for ~2 weeks.
Spring 2009
March 2009 – Frequently leave school via the school nurse to smoke cigarettes. ‘Concoct’ various schemes to get out of school in order to smoke cigarettes. Dad takes me to the Cleveland Clinic for a full urine specimen. I ‘fail miserably’ re nicotine. Grounded for ~2 weeks. I decide to quit smoking while in California.
April 2009 – I successfully 'quit smoking' while in California.
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click here to read my other essay re smoking cigarettes at 'the nervous breakdown'
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Electronic Cigarettes
