Friday, May 29, 2009

"I Am Free Because of Football"

- thinking about my 'writing process'. seems 'lackadaisical' or something. i worry a lot about posting things. don't want to 'waste anyone's time', i think. it is not only about what you say, it's about what you don't say. don't want people to read a shitty poem and 'get the wrong idea' or not give me a chance or something. seems stupid.

- existing in a perpetual state of "despair". i wish i was a vegetable container or an all orange poster or something. seems more desirable.

- ate vanilla soft-serve ice cream today for the first time in almost three years. felt confused. seems like freeganism requires 'doing gross shit for the benefit of all life' or something. damn. seems 'worth it'.

- can't stop thinking, "i hope tonight is fun. i hope tonight doesn't suck."

- the cops harrassed my little brother for skateboarding about twenty-five minutes ago. my dad got angry at my brother. seems like if the 'oppressed' had a better sense of 'togetherness' or something things could be better. the city closed the skatepark. the police blame skateboarders for skateboarding elsewhere. they filed a report for tresspassing. the building where he was skateboarding was abandoned. it was 'private property'. seems weird.

- 7 pages left in Emma Goldman's "Anarchism and Other Essays". i'm probably going to rate it a 4 on goodreads. seems like some parts make sense but other parts don't feel right. some of it was 'very good' and some of it seemed 'irrelevant'.

- maybe going to start working on a short story idea i had the day before yesterday. maybe going to start working on a poetry collection or something.

- i feel like the noise an air conditioner makes. i feel like a B grade horror film.

- 'being' seems unreal. today while walking through the hallways at school i felt 'ridiculously detached'. seemed like existence felt 'weird' or 'cliche' or something. felt like i should have been doing something else.

- the other day in Health class i saw a video about a football league for the 'mentally challenged'. seemed sarcastic 98% of the time. a 'mentally challenged' girl scored a touch down and said "I am free because of football," in an interview. there was dramatic music and a sunset. seemed sweet.

- video of me on mal's flickr account.

- going to finish the Emma Goldman book and wait for Mal.


  1. I liked this. write another short story you're good at it. thanks for not mentioning me. im totally buzzed.

  2. i wish football wasn't the only thing that would free her soul

    most days i feel like you in your hallways